I Just Fucking Love Summer
The summertime is full of glorious things
like mosquito-infested family walks,
rancid smelling Birkenstocks,
And swimsuits with exposed tampons strings.
I love how my skin is so pasty-white
that I truly do glow in the sun.
Ya, you heard me, hun -
Go fuck yourselves, Twilight.
It's fantastic when someone will often say,
'Oh, have you spilled? You're a little wet!'
Nope. That's just my boob sweat,
But thanks for making my day.
The superb smells of summer include
the garbage that's baking in the heat,
plus 50 diapers that make the stench complete.
Oh, and my dog just spewed.
The Fresh Prince said it's a natural aphrodisiac,
But after an afternoon sweating outside
the last thing I'm ever going to ride
is something attached to my man's ball sack.
Also, I would like to express my affection
for how the summer reverts my face
back to being covered in spots and disgrace.
Welcome back, my pubescent complexion.
Oh, yes. The summertime is so great.
I enjoy having to expose my varicose veins,
along with showing off my sexy pit stains.
I'll also be asked, "When's your due date?"
So here's to every scorching afternoon
when I cannot wear white or grey, better yet,
if I want to succeed in hiding my crotch sweat.
You can lick my hot, sticky poon!