: Poetry

Hohum: A Poem

 

Hohum my chum,

Hohum my chum,

Please keep away from my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

I do not like it up my bum.

 

Would you like it here or there?

 

I would not like it here or there.

I would not like it anywhere.

I do not like it up my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

 

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These Zits Are Bananas

 

Uh huh, there's another zit.

I need to stomp my feet like this

 

A few times I've been around this track

So I'm pissed it still happens like that

Because I ain't no dirty crack girl

I ain't no dirty crack girl

 

Ooooh ooh, squeeze my zit, pop my zit

 

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An Ode to Twenty-Five

 

If I could go back to any age,

it wouldn't be any time during high school;

what a fucking awkward stage.

 

I also would not be a young girl.

I just agonized about everything

to the point where I would almost hurl.

 

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I Just Fucking Love Summer

 

The summertime is full of glorious things

like mosquito-infested family walks,

rancid smelling Birkenstocks,

And swimsuits with exposed tampons strings.

 

I love how my skin is so pasty-white

that I truly do glow in the sun.

Ya, you heard me, hun -

Go fuck yourselves, Twilight.

 

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