: Special Editions

The Friendship Equation

Originally, I was going to write an oh-so-wise hypothesis as to how it is possible, although unlikely, that men and women can be only friends but it wasn't anything that I hadn't heard before.


I recently told a friend that I've had sex with all my guy friends, except for one. That much is true, because I'm a whore and because that one friend is gay... but as it turns out, I even made out with him "pre-closet exiting" in a drunken fog back in high school.


Ah, crap.


The more I thought about all the factors and variables, the more I started to sound like my fucking grade 10 math teacher (who I despised) but there was something there, deep in the dusty archives of my brain... or maybe it's because I've been watching too much Big Bang Theory... but nevertheless, instead of crapping on anymore about this complex topic, I worked out this equation instead.

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